I don't even remember the last time I heard a thank you from 90% of these people.
I'm stressing. I have to have my room completely packed up by this Saturday to move. My bed, my desk, my dressers, all of the furniture, my closet completely cleaned out. This sucks. Yeah, I'm excited to be moving, but the reason that we're moving makes me sad. To be honest, I'm happy that my parents are separating. Maybe 'happy' isn't the right word, but it's a big breath of relief. No more screaming and fighting constantly. I miss when home was a warm place to be, when it was a place I felt I could go to relax. Now I never want to be here. This isn't a home.
Hopefully things will change. I love them both to death. I think we'll all be better off with them splitting. I hope. I just fear for my dad's loneliness.
It's weird how on medication, it can feel impossible to cry from sadness. Happy tears come and go, but from emotions such as frustration or anger, it seems totally impossible. For months, I couldn't get it to happen. You know those times where you feel like you're on the verge of tears and you know that if you just have a good, big cry, you'll feel soooo much better? I had that for like a month, couldn't cry no matter how hard I tried. I read/looked at sad things, forced sad memories into my mind. NOTHING could get that cruel emotion out of me. Finally, this past weekend, it happened, in the quietest of ways. My biggest regret is that I wasn't alone, where I could totally let it out in that sobbing mess of a way I had hoped. Silent tears worked, I guess.
My mood has been crazy all day. It won't make up it's mind. I need to clean. I can't think. I don't want to be in this stupid town.
Goodnight.
