Find your way into my heart

I'm getting sick of repeating that I want to skip through the entire month of May, but it is so so true. I was talking with Colin today and we made the realization that he's really simple minded and I'm a really deep-thinker and I over analyze, thus the reason we are often so baffled at each others' actions. I guess that's why I get so :O at other people, because I feel like they're so little-minded that they just... I don't even know ! I guess I get frustrated with people easily. It seems like so many people at school are this way. I'm not trying to say my boyfriend is like them ! That's not my point at all. I'm just making a statement that I think I realized that's why I have low tolerance for many people. They're just so bleh.

"What would it take
For things to be quiet
Quiet like the snow
I know, this isn't much
But I know I could, I could be better

I don't think I deserve it,
Selflessness
Find your way into my heart
All stars could be brighter
All hearts could be warmer

What would it take
For things to be quiet
Quiet like the snow
Are we meant to be empty handed
I know I could, I could be better

I don't think I deserve it,
Selflessness
Find your way into my heart
All stars could be brighter
All hearts could be warmer

What would it take (for things to be quiet, find your way into my heart)
What would it take (for things to be quiet, find your way)

What would it take, for things to be quiet"

I love that song so much <3 I wish I was as strong as I so apparently seem to be. I'm tired of being so scared of showing my true emotion, that I fake happy all the time. I still want a break. I want such a long break from everything. I hope summer does that for me. I'm so glad school's almost over.

AllieWag is amazing, by the way. She's been helping me so much lately and I'm so glad that God led me to her.

I hate that super lonely feeling you get when you realize that you have every reason to be upset. You know, sometimes you feel sad and feel like you have no reason to be. But once you realize that there IS a reason? It's like this big rush of "Oh my God, I was right." and this huge, sinking, lonely feeling.

I just need a big hug <3

All of my memories keep you near

You're breaking my heart.
I want to sleep.
I don't want to wake up.
I want to lie under the stars for an entire night, even seek them out in the daylight.
I'm cold internally.
The sky looks so easy to reach into.

I want someone to walk with me, so far away from here. I want all my teachers to stop yelling at me. I want people to stop telling me what to do. I wish I could tell people that I'm not okay, that I need to be left alone, and that their arguing and lecturing isn't going to help.

I want people to stop telling me it will be okay.

I want people to stop pretending they understand.

I want people to stop expecting so much from me.

I want to stop caring what everyone else wants.

It's almost May again

And each day gets closer and closer to a panic attack.