Now my body's on the floor and I am calling, well I'm calling out to you.

I really felt like I wasn't all there today. My mind wasn't even traveling all that much, I was just slow. Everything felt like it was in slow motion and to be honest, it sucked. Art Club even seemed to drag on and I didn't do anything. I always do something in there. I guess I'm just not feeling it today.

I keep having dreams, dreams, dreams, and I want them to stop, stop, stop.

Well I swear to God, we've been down this road before.
The guilt's no good and it only shames us more.
And the truths that we all try to hide
Are so much clearer when it's not our lives.
When we don't face the blame.

I wish I could spill out all my thoughts to you guys, but the truth is I can't this time. I'm stuck right now and I really don't think anyone can help in which direction I need to go. I wish you could understand, but you couldn't.

Man, I never thought I'd be in this place.

Talk.

Wash that mouth out, ditch those morals

I'm having a day in which I would like to destroy everything I see. I want to throw chairs at the mirrors, shove the televisions out the window, and rip up every scrap of paper. I want to throw plates at the walls and knock over china cabinets. I want to kick and punch at all of the doors until they break down.

Then I want to lie amongst it all.

Today was weird. It was awkward and frustrating and everything felt all wrong. Colin and I went and saw Watchmen at 2pm (and it feels strange going to a movie theater that early) and it sucked xD in my opinion, at least. I hated it. There was too much nudity/sex and the whole thing was just confusing. Oh well.

But I've been on edge all day. I'm tired and sad and just irritated in general. So, I really don't have much to say other than that.

Saturday was good though because my parents, grandpa, Colin, and I went to see Blue Man Group. It was hilarious; so interactive, so much fun :D

My grandpa was even pulled up on stage at one point xD xD

<3

Random Facts:
- I daydream too much.
- Like Grace, I mostly use lyrics as my blog titles. I didn't always used to, but they always are now.


Leave some thoughts.

no title

After a long fit of throwing things around my room, ripping stuff up, and breaking things in the process, I no longer hate the things that have happened in my life.

I simply hate myself for making them happen.

In the times when we both get carried away

Remember my whole rant about how people disgust me? I swear, it's getting worse each day. Little by little, I'm noticing smaller things about humanity and it makes me want to rip my hair out. I'm getting headaches from it. I know that probably sounds ridiculous, but I honestly do not care.

I haven't been feeling well lately and I'm not sure what my body is up to o.O it's doing weird things, lawl.

Nothing exciting has happened, really. Life is pretty much just getting through school right now. Oh, but we're doing this budget plan thing in business that really frustrates me. We have to pick out a career, home (with possible roomate), and car, and then like create this budget thing to see if we can afford the type of lifestyle we want. I'm so anti-thinking-about-this-stuff. I hate it. Just see, if you ever try to talk to me about money or future financing, I'll immediately block it out. I'll change the conversation like that *SnAAaaaAApP*

The actual project is a little fun though (minus the actual calculations and such). My career is a Clinical Psychologist and I make $37,500 a year. Allie Wagner is my roomate and she has the same career as me. We're renting a house ($3,000 per month xD ! ) in Clearwater and we share a Mitsubishi Eclipse Spyder. We're baaaarely getting by xD

And it's really hard to do this project with freaking Michael sitting beside me looking at Aston Martins and 5 bedroom houses xD since his roomate is Grace (pediatrician) and he's a brain surgeon xD

I asked Mrs. Kelly if we could just live under a bridge but she said no :(

Haa.

Well, tell me about your day, loves :D

Chain me free, lose the key, right now.

OH ! And I'm going to start doing 2 random facts per post :p

RANDOM FACTS:

- I love listening to older music (like old school Simple Plan)

- My fingertips are currently raw from biting my nails/skin too much.

<3>

(is it okay to say i still miss these days?)

She is still fresh in my mind

I had an odd day and to be honest, I didn't come out of it with as many thoughts as I did yesterday. So sorry, there won't be much today. I had a bad night.

How about a bunch of pictures?






Well, not a bunch but :/

Sorry, guys, I'm just not feeling it today.

Goodnight.

The top floor is just an illusion

My mind is just FULL of stuff today :D

First off, I'd like to say that I am increasingly becoming disgusted with humanity each and every day. It's almost like out of nowhere, I'm seeing people differently and I'm gaining new views and quite frankly, I hate it. It makes me build up hate towards the way human beings act these days. Really, it's horrible. Thinking about it literally makes me angry. I feel my muscles tense up and everything. Now, I'm not perfect and like every person, I make mistakes and do things I shouldn't do. Still, I'm just saying, I despise the way humans are. How they think, feel, ugh, it bothers me. I find it repulsive, to be honest.

And who are we to say it's our lives? A pastor once told our church that we constantly play it out like we are the main characters. We, ourselves. We think like this, "Everything is MY life. They're MY friends. It's MY school. MY choices. MY life." and whenever things go wrong or people aren't good to us, we automatically think, "They're ruining MY life." or something of the like. We have this tendency to think that it's our story and the people around us are just the "supporting characters". They're just little side people. They may mean the world to us, but hey, they're here for me.

I might not be wording this well, but I'm trying. Point I'm attempting to make is that we've got it all wrong. We're not the main character and we never have been. Each and every one of us is the "supporting cast" in God's story. Sorry if this offends anyone, it's not my objective. You can just skip this if you want. But we get this thought in our heads that we're going to do things our way and it's all about us. We spill our problems and fears and hopes and think that everybody should listen, but we're just the extras in someone else's world of a story. They think THEY are the main character and we're just the support to them. It's the way people tend to work.

You don't have to agree. I'm basically relaying this from what the pastor was telling us one night and I tried to take it to heart. And really, it can go into play no matter what religion you are, if any at all. We simply do just live as if everything revolves around us. I don't know, I agree with some of it.

Off that subject, my moods are beginning to swing a bit. I had a perfectly fine day (save falling asleep throughout the day) and then once I got picked up, it was like I was instantly annoyed. My BROTHER got on my nerves so bad and by the time we got home, my head was throbbing because I was screaming at him so much. I even had those annoying stars floating around throughout my vision. I had to take advil and lie down xD it sucked.

What do you call a dream that isn't a nightmare but makes you feel sad/upset the entire day and infects all your thoughts? The kind of dream you wake up from and blink away the fact that it wasn't real. The dream where you wake up and curl into a ball so you can cry. What exactly are you supposed to call those?

I've been getting a lot of them lately and I hate them. I'm a lover of dreams, really, they're great. I have dreams often, and can usually remember the majority of them. Just these dreams... I don't like them. They affect me too strongly. Although, since they say dreams are your own subconsciousness. I guess that just means I can't let certain things go. But really, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.

I'm a good liar, but I don't like lying to my parents. I always feel like they know I'm lying. Especially my mom because she says I'm a "mirror image of her". It's scary, actually xD she always knows what I'm thinking or what I'm about to do. She says I'm exactly like she was when she was my age. So, I worry when I lie to her. But there are some things I don't want her to see and when she sees them, what am I supposed to say? I know, the truth, but sometimes you just can't let that happen. No excuses, I'm sure. I always feel like a bad person afterward. But really :/

AP World History is really starting to bother me because the teacher like, abuses his students in a way. I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to touch students? (correct me if I'm wrong, please) Because he constantly does. I know he's stomped on a kid's paper, tilted a student's desk/chair back almost completely, shoved a student from behind, hit one (not hard) on the head with a textbook, and hit a few more. Not like *punch punch!* but like, shoves with one arm. Still, I'm almost certain that's not allowed and I hate that he does it.

I really want to start writing some more. A short story maybe :) would anybody be interested in reading one on here or not really? :p

By the way, I want to let everyone know that I try really hard to comment every single blog post xD but if I don't, it's just because I forgot -- I follow a lot of people :p But I still do read every single one ! Promise :D

<3

- Thanks for keeping me up to date a little.
- You're still annoying me. A lot.
- You're starting to disgust me a bit :/ and I don't like it.

Only three confessions today, and don't get excited, none of them are for Blogspot kids. Sorry :p

Well, I think I got pretty much all my thoughts out :)

Let's talk?

I said I'd never let you go and I never did

I said I'd never let you fall and I always meant it
If you didn't have this chance then I never did
You'll always find me right there, again

This weekend was pretty good,I guess. I went to the Center Stage Talent Show on Friday which was fun with Arrie, Colin, Hooly, and Marshall. After that, Colin, Hooly, and I went to Barnes and Noble and ate some food and looked at weird books and I saw Daniel at the square and that made me happy <3333

Today, we're celebrating my dad's birthday and going to Carrabbas pretty soon :D I'm excited because it's my favorite restaurant EVAR. And my aunt is here and she rawks hard.

I don't really have much to say today though because I feel like my mind isn't working properly. I really, really hate that :P

I tried working on my AP World History project today but I didn't get very far. 1/15 parts complete, aha, oh well. There's still plenty of time left.

I love you guizzz <3

And this makes me lawl: