Just say what you want to say

I'm mad at life. School sucks, missing school sucks, medications suck, therapy sucks, doctors suck.

I'm not myself, haven't been in a few months. I don't write anymore, don't read anymore, don't do anything I enjoy. I've lost myself in a medicated abyss and I've become anti-social, irritated, pissed off at the world.

I wish I could for once get a doctor that at least pretended to actually care about me.

Hold tight the night's air and breathe again

So school isn't that bad , so far. I just feel like I never see anyone ? Like at today's class meeting , it was the first time I saw about 80% of our class. Seriously , anyone else getting this ? I feel like I only ever see Nitty :P

I absolutely love my academy though , Health Sciences class is really interesting and probably my favorite class :D plus , the scrubs are so comfy.

So that anxiety thing... I finally went to the doctor for it and he recommended I get counseling. I have an appointment for that now , whoohoo. I got all my blood work done , too. Oh , I also had my first ever panic attack in school yesterday , that was fun.

>:(

I have to try so hard this year because I'm really close to being on the 'kick out' list of the school. I just want to erase the past two years so bad.

I still feel like people are weird right now. Oh well.

Nittywood and Grace's birthdays tomorrow ?! HOOOORAYYYY :D Lucky to have a birthday on FRIDAY. I think mine's on a Wednesday this year :P

<33333 I love you guys.

P.S. I miss you. Talk to me. Please.

Painted faces fill the places I can't reach

I'm tired of people and the way they act. I'm tired of feeling disgusted by human beings everywhere I look. I want conversations with people who care, who view the world through the same pair of eyes that I do. I want to hear from someone who wants to change things, who won't settle for the flow of what people have set up to be their lives. There's only a handful of people who aren't getting on my nerves right now.

I'm tired of feeling so helpless. I feel like I'm a little girl again, waiting for mommy to hold my hand so I can cross the street. I feel ashamed that I have to take a sleeping pill before I go out, to keep my anxiety down, and that I now take Valium. I hate that I have to beg people not to take me certain places or not to leave me because I am terrified. I'm tired of trying to explain to people that I don't know why I'm scared, I just am. I'm sick of walking by people and holding my breath. I'm tired of crying because there is no one around and I'm paralyzed with fear. I'm tired of having friends laugh at me because they don't understand why I'm too scared to go places with them or be without an adult.

I'm REALLY tired.

http://kaelove.tumblr.com/ <---- please go here for my tumblr <3 ?