Let me hear you screaming just for me

I want answers, is that really so horrible? I'm tired of constantly questioning and begging to hear words instead of silent waves of emotion and urges that I can't control.

Whose dreams are these that flood my mind, because they surely don't belong to me. I've had a taste but my soul yearns for the entire meal, handed to me on a plate of certainty with a smile that says yes, everything will in fact be just fine. I no longer belong to myself and all I hear are strange voices constantly caressing my thoughts, forcing my lips open in a dance of this language I have never once heard from a body so young. The amount of times you have seen the sun set should not amount to your ability to embrace love and feelings, to harness belief into your own hands and bring a garden through the cement.

I'm tired and my throat hurts :/

Well, I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more

just to be the man
who walked a thousand miles
to fall down at your door.

Stay positive.
Things are fine.
You are fine.
It's not as bad as you think.
You're really only one small speck in the scheme of things.
Shake yourself awake and get real.
This is life and you can't change it.

I constantly have to tell myself this.

Random Facts:
- I feel annoying for posting more than one blog a day. Things should be more like tumblr.
- I have such high expectations for my future but I never work hard for them.


Oh, now I'm going to have a rant:

I'm really fucking sick of my mother constantly nagging on me when she walks into my room. She wears that stupid ass little sad grin and says in the stupidest voice, "When are we going to turn this around?" referring to the mess my room is. It's my room, you don't have to sleep in it, so leave me alone. Srsly. It's not like there's fucking spoiled food all over the floor. And there is plenty of floor to see. I just have some clothes by my dresser and a few bottles of Diet Coke and water and energy drinks, sooooo what?

Oh and what I hate the most is, "How much homework do you have?"
"How much homework is done?"
"Are you working on homework?"
"Is your homework going to take you much longer?"
"How long will it take you?"
"I can't wait up all night for you to finish your homework."

YOUDON'THAVETOWAITUP. I have a decent amount. None is done yet. No, I'm not working on it. Yes it will take me a bit longer since I have yet to start. I don't give a fuck how long it takes. And GO TO BED.

Is it apparent that I am super anti-school?
And clean rooms?

You know,
I guess I'm just lazy. I'm lazy. I hate the things in my life but I'm too fucking lazy to change them. That's just how it is. I get enough grief about it from my own boyfriend, so, dear Mom, please -- and I mean this with all the love and affection I can muster -- shutthefuckup.

>:|

This is the only thing to make my evening better:

I need to go the the dr

I feel sick, very sick. I'm worried and frustrated and I would like to know what's going on. I have so many questions. Were you right? Is that the reason everything went wrong? Why didn't I check first? Is this why nothing's working? Is this what You want me to be doing?

I think it is. I think I'm doing the right thing and that's why signs are showing up everywhere I go. I feel like everything fell right into place to say, "Hello! Do this, now." So I'm going to.

People have been easily pissing me off lately. My patience and temper is getting lower and lower. I keep taking it out on Colin and I feel really, really bad because of it D: School is the worst thing ever right now too. It's a brand new start, the beginning of the second nine weeks and I'm barely doing anything. Sleep is another thing to, I'm so not getting enough. I think falling asleep in 3 or 4 classes a day is getting old.

On the plus side, I'm so incredibly happy that it's getting cold...I love it so much :) Hoodies and skinny jeans ftw <3

I want to go on a serious shopping spree, I need new clothes so bad. I really like the Kohls they put in down in Lady Lake :) I saw Hooly and his madre there tonight when I was there with Colin. MOMORMORNING WOOD

Right now, I'd kill for a cup of hot chocolate from Ghirardelli, Colin, and a big, happy dog! All by a fire. Sigh, I hate Florida xD

I guess I just need to get through tomorrow and wait until it's Friday so that I can see Colin again <3 I love youuuu.

Goodnight.