Sunday, October 17, 2010

Where did we go ?

I miss you so much. I hate how badly it hurts now. I don't have that reassurance that I used to, that no matter what happened, you were still there. I hate the emptiness. I hate feeling that if I happen to fall, you won't be there to catch me, as you once promised you always would be. I'm so scared that you're mad at me. I'm scared to talk to you. I don't want to be scared of you. I don't know what to do. I've tried to contact you and you just ignore me. I know from past experience that sometimes you get into these phases in life where you just kind of ignore people and we don't talk much but... it's been so damn long. I wish I knew what happened. I used to have no doubts that even if we weren't talking, you'd still read these. You told me so. You ask, "Do you think I wasn't watching? Making sure you were okay?" I felt so safe when I heard that. Now... I'm not even sure if you'll read this. I haven't posed in so long, so why would you even bother to check anymore ? Or maybe you still do... every day come here just to see if there's anything knew. I have no idea anymore. We used to know each other so well. At least, I thought we did. Maybe I never really knew you, but damn it I tried to. Our last day was ended with a promise to talk more. A promise that we'd be more like ourselves and that we probably had done things we shouldn't have done. Yet here we are... I have no idea how your life is going. I want to try to get a hold of you again but as I stated before... I'm scared. I wish you would give me just some stupid indirect sign that you still care, or at least think about me. Despite all, I still love you.

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I wanted to be that type of person for you..

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