Sunday, November 30, 2008

I want an XBOX 360

I had a dream that I had to stand up for you.
I hope I did a good job.
Today, I want to talk to you.
So I think I will.


Saturday, November 22, 2008

You can Google it

I saw Twilight tonight at 7:30, Regal 16 Theater, and I can say that I was thoroughly disappointed. Now, I understand that a movie is never as good as the book, but in my honest opinion, this movie didn't even come close. If I was Stephenie Meyer, I'd want to cry.

She makes all her work very in-depth and colorful and I found the film choppy, empty, and pale. The characters seemed like they were just THERE and very blank to me, the emotion they were meant to be portraying just wasn't there.

One thing I hated about this movie was that it was humorous. I didn't find the book funny? I was expecting a serious, heartfelt, and passionate film, not a laugh fest.

In the book, Edward is described as being this perfect, way-beyond-Earth kind of character and in the movie he was skittish, obviously nervous, and not the strong person I imagined.

I think Kristen Stewart was too hard and freaking BLAND to be Bella. Her voice was too deep and she was just awkward in a weird, tired kind of way, not a cute, loving way like the book describes.

I also found that I didn't like the way the movie was put into order. I wish they would have followed the book better. I thought all the 'animal killings' were from New Moon, I don't remember any from Twilight. Though I may be wrong in that... I felt the ending went too fast from the point of the baseball game. One second she's in the hotel, the next she's getting thrown around. I think they should have emphasized the stress of waiting for any idea of what was happening while Bella, Jasper, and Alice were in the hotel.

I don't think they properly showed the intensity of Edward and Bella's relationship. It was more like he was a stalker and she was just too annoying to let go of him, which is not how the book is, at ALL.

Oh and Edward's sparkling? wtf.

Positives: I did like Jasper's character a lot, Alice was portrayed wonderfully, the weather was good, Emmett, the makeup of the Cullens, Renee, and a few others things.

Other notes!:

Colin's coming over tomorrow <3

I'm excited for Monday :D

Thanksgiving Break should give me a chance to relax (:

This cold weather makes me want to dance around and smile all the time :P

Oh and I pretty much agree with this:
"The movie we have been anticipating all year has finally come out! Sadly... it felt rushed and left the viewer sort of unfulfilled. The actors were... Dull, boring, and monotonous. Stewert, while being in some good movies, just does not get the emotions out. Robert did an excellent job of Edward, but the movie, like the book, focused WAY too much on him. Most of the movie focuses on the two main characters, while this is expected, the others are sort of "not as involved". Some of the characters were very dull and you learn so little about anything. Had I not read the book first, I would have been VERY confused with this movie. In some areas, the characters have awkward moments(in fact too many) that left me seeing this movie as a corny and bad impression of some of Twilight's more dramatic moments. All in all, this movie was one of the biggest letdowns, that will only draw in profit from the inflated hype blimp created by the fans. If your a die hard fan, you will be disappointed, otherwise I recommend reading the book, before seeing the movie, otherwise you just won't get half of what is going on."
- IMDB review

Goodnight and God bless <3

Friday, November 21, 2008

Pretty Much Exhausted

Whoa. Today didn't turn out how I'd planned but that's okay. Hooly, Carolina, Colin, and I went to Subway after school and then sat in the parking lot, trying to find directions to the Regal 16 Theatre in Ocala or see if they were sold out. We ended up sitting there for about three hours before learning all shows were sold out except the 11pm one.

SO. Then we went to Hooly and Carolina's house and watched El Orfanato again. Dude, i love watching psychological horrors. It was so much more intense.

Then Colin took great delight in scaring the crap out of me every chance he got on the ride home. That! was a blast.

Then we took naps and stuff and he just left ten minutes ago.

I love you <3

I'm really glad it's Thanksgiving Break [finally]! Tomorrow, I have a hair appointment at three - I think I'm going to add black - and then Colin and I are going to see Twilight. I'm excited. I love him <3

By the way, I'm glad we're talking more.
Oh and you, too. Thanks for letting me know you care, even if it was brief.

Goodnight, loves, and God bless <3

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Hello; Good Evening,

I love You <3

My faith in God is growing stronger and stronger everyday. I read the bible every chance I get and absorb in all of the words. I'm reading books and doing research and I find my love for Him is unbreakable. I know He's listening to me and is always here for me when I need Him. He is my Savior and my light and I will continue to follow in His name :D

On another note:

I'm so excited :D TEAM EDWARD <3333

I get angry thinking of Jacob xD ugh. NO ME GUSTA JACOB, NO. ME. GUSTA. You know, I actually used to like Jacob until the end of New Moon. From then on, ESPECIALLY IN ECLIPSE, I hated him. Reading Breaking Dawn with him was unbearable. Lost my liking for him altogether.


Let's talk okay?

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

It was possibly

the worst day in awhile. I felt humiliated being at school with my super red eyes and worn out look. I couldn't even keep a straight face 2 minutes into being there, broke down to Kristina, which is something I haven't done in a long time. I don't know if I've ever cried at school? And if I have I was able to control it or something cause this scared me, letting people see me like that. I only wish I had gotten there earlier so I had more time to clean myself up before going to class, cause then of course I got a lot of questioning looks.

I'm incredibly exhausted, wasted a whole night last night just crying on and off. My eyes burn and my throat is sore. I've never cried a whole night in and out of sleep, and then woke up the next day and began crying again. Usually if you have a bad night, the following morning is a new day. Definitely wasn't my case. I'm sitting there trying to get my stuff together and have tears rolling down my face when my mom says, "You need to try harder. You can't fall apart at school..." and I toned her out for the rest.

I know what she was going to say. If they see you, they'll ask to talk to us, and it might lead you back into therapy and maybe you do need back on your medication after all.

School felt pointless to me today. I felt like I needed to leave and actually do something important instead of just sitting there class after class, just to tell them I didn't have the homework they were looking for. Maybe I need to go back to therapy. Maybe I need the medications again. I don't want the meds, honestly. I finally feel REAL again. My emotions are sensitive right now but I love it because when I was on the medication, I felt like a brick wall; I didn't really feel sadness. I felt happiness and anger and most other things, but sadness was rejected. I feel more complete now that I can freely feel that emotion. Watching TV with my mom last night, I cried because it was a sad episode. Months ago, on medication, I wouldn't have been able to cry no matter how hard I tried.

I could probably deal with therapy though. Maybe. As long as she wouldn't sit there and nod at me and just stare at me all the time like she used to do. On second thought, maybe that would be too much. I have this huge TO-DO list that needs a lot of crossing off. Mainly doctors appointments that I need to make... I want to be on my own right now. I want to be out of school and on toward more important things. I honestly can't shake the feeling that I'm not doing the right thing, I'm supposed to be doing SOMETHING, but I don't know what it is.

I'm driving myself crazy praying over it.

I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.

Why did you leave me here?

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Best Weekend Ever :)

On Friday, Sheri, Colin, Nitty, Hooly, Carolina, and I went to Fresh Market and annoyed the customers whilst talking to Hosef. We bought garlic and herb bread and left for SUBWAY FRIDAY! We havent gathered there in about 3 weeks so our people were like "AHHHHH YOU'RE BACK!!!" It was great (: We def entertained the customers there, lawl lawl. Then Nitty and Holly were like "We were grounded!" and the manager said she'd write us a note xD so she put:

To the parents of Ally, Sheri, Austin, Julian, and Colin.

This is the manager of Subway and I would like to ask if any groundings occur in your children, please don't make them groundings from Subway! I very much enjoy these teenagers and seeing them every Friday is important to me. Any questions, call this number.


It was something along those lines but it was awesome and we were like HAI THANKS! After Subway, we called our parents and stuff and went to HOOLY and CAROLINA'S house to stay the night :D

Amazing. Things we did:
Ball Smacking
Wii Sports
Cookie Dough Eating
Too Much Laughing
Cockroach Hunting
Blockbuster at like 9 or 10
El Orfanato
A good bit of SCREAMING
Running from Hooly's farts
Sitting backwards in the car
Playing with Piralou
You Would
Huddling Together - basically cause of TOMAS
Looking at old yearbooks
Sheri, Nitty, and Hooly slept in Hooly's bed
Colin and I slept in the guest room

Baked the remaining dough
Ate the cookies
Made miis
Played wii
Lazed around
Nitty and Sheri left
Colin showered
Don't Mess with the Zohan - stupid
Colin and I left to get changed
Met Hooly and Carolina and their madre at Denny's
Went to Florida Mall
Crepe Market, omyum
Met some of their family
Went back home

:D And I have to say that I love Colin Shaw very, very much <3333

I left my charger in his car, my extra battery in Hooly's madre's car, and my school stuff in Carolina's trunk.



Anywhore, best weekend ever, I love them all, definitely my best friends.


Tuesday, November 11, 2008


I really don't like art II at the moment; the project is kind of making me mad, especially since someone stole my board >:/ Oh well. Other than that, I've been getting happier lately and have been able to ignore stupid people. I'm getting more motivated to do stuff in school and treat myself better. So I'm happier and little things aren't getting to me as easily because I'm stronger.

I know I've changed a lot since the last school year but I changed in very mature ways. I do not regret a single choice that I've made nor am I ashamed of anything. I feel older and stronger than most people around me and I know I am. I've been through something the majority of people I know won't ever go through and that puts me in a rough place but I learned to acknowledge the fact that it happened. I haven't accepted it yet, though, and I don't expect to for quite awhile.

Because of my maturity level know, it makes me laugh seeing the arguments people get in. It's really sad how some people are living their lives :/

All I can say is I know I have the right people in my life who care about me and won't abandon me. It's not a big group of people, you know? Just a tiny few, but that is perfectly enough to keep me alive everyday. I know they'll ALWAYS be there for me and will come to me for help, just as I will for them. We'll stick together through anything and I'll be honest with them as they will with me. Kids say this all the time but with how much more intelligent and experienced I am, I know this is for real. These guys won't leave me for anyone. They have my back and I'll have theirs. I'll make sure I don't lose any of them to bad choices of subject. Or people.

Goodnight :)
<3c.s. s.h. j.d. n.a. a.w.<3

Sunday, November 9, 2008

I had a really good weekend.

On Friday, Sheri and I went to Hooly's after school to watch FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL. Wonderful movie :p Then Colin picked Sheri and me up, dropped Sheri off at home, then took me home to change before we went to Bean's brother's house. Yeah, I sat there with Ariel while Matt, Colin, Bean, and Matty Warr played video games. Was really boring xD so Colin took me home and we chilled around for maybe an hour before he went back to Matt's house. I pretty much fell dead asleep 30 minutes after he left :)

On Saturday, I woke up to find that Colin was here and after some convincing, he got me to go to his house. I brought my school stuff and my laptop so I could get work done :) He finished TWILIGHT while I was there and I was excited cause I could then show him some trailers without having to skip parts :D We watched CLICK with his parents and ate some really yummy pie his momma made. I ended up staying the night, I watched him play BIOSHOCK which I found really cool and creepy, then we slept on an air mattress in the living room :p

I woke up at like REALLY EARLY HOURS cause his dad was in the kitchen xD it wasn't even slightly light outside yet. I pretty much tossed and turned from that point forward until we got up and ate CHEERIOS! Then we chilled around for a bit before he dropped me off here so he could go to his flight lesson. So, it was a really good weekend. Right now, I'm finishing homework so I can relax for the rest of the day. My mom bought me the TWILIGHT soundtrack so I'm currently listening to that and I love it, I'm so excited for the movie. Okay, I love you all!


Thursday, November 6, 2008

Lubriderm: Avanced Therapy Lotion

I'm almost done with Breaking Dawn (finally) and it's great. I want the Twilight movie to come out so bad but I'm worried about it at the same time. I hope it can live up to the book enough... The thing is, Stephenie Meyer is such an amazing writer that everyone is able to really get the images branded deep into their minds; The characters, their movements, their expressions, the atomosphere, and pretty much everything else. She's really a huge inspiration for me as a writer. I can't imagine how she feels... just started out by writing out a dream she had. If that wasn't a sign from God, I don't know what is :P It's so easy to get lost in these books...

Ay yi yi, then there's real life. I guess I only have horrible grades in two classes; Spanish II and AP World History. That's dandy. All of the stuff that life's been dealing to me has been making me rougher on the edges, I'm starting to notice. I'm becoming more outspoken and even mean in some cases. I guess I'm tired of just keeping quiet and I realized I won't get anything unless I say something. So here, I'm going to let some things be known here and now:

You need to try talking to me. I've tried many times and the conversations have been lame as hell. I know you're busy, but I also know you're able to text other people. I miss you and I love you and you need to show me that you feel the same because I know you do. Text me or message me or comment me or ANYTHING to show me that you actually care. I know you do, but I need to see it. It's ridiculous that we're doing this again but I've tried changing it around; it's your turn. I think about you everyday and I don't know what's up with you or how your life is right now. Make some time for me. You already know I hate when we don't talk. We've been through this.

I honestly feel like you're keeping something from me and like you've changed in some way. If you're telling the truth and it's really nothing, then try thinking about how you're acting maybe? You've been different and it's putting me on edge because it's unfamiliar. I can't shake the feeling that something's wrong here.

I'm not sure what you'd like to talk to me about. Maybe the reason I joke with you and say things to interrupt you is because whenever you talk to me, I feel shy because it's like I'm meeting you for the first time, you've changed THAT much. I find it easier to talk to people I'm still comfortable with. I miss the old you, back when you had the right people in your life. I'm not trying to be mean but you're so different it's hard to converse with you. Plus sometimes it's easier just to walk away because I missed you for so long that you became sort of blurry to me.

"How can I decide what's right
When you're clouding up my mind?
I can't win your losing fight
All the time.

Nor can I ever own what's mine
When you're always taking sides?
But you won't take away my pride.
No, not this time.
Not this time.

How did we get here?
When I used to know you so well.
But how did we get here?
Well, I think I know.

The truth is hiding in your eyes
And it's hanging on your tongue.
Just boiling in my blood.
But you think that I can't see
What kind of man that you are,
If you're a man at all.
Well, I will figure this one out
On my own.
(I'm screaming, "I love you so.")
On my own.
(My thoughts you can't decode.)

How did we get here?
When I used to know you so well, yeah.
But how did we get here?
Well, I think I know.

Do you see what we've done?
We've gone and made such fools
Of ourselves.
Do you see what we've done?
We've gone and made such fools
Of ourselves.

How did we get here?
When I used to know you so well, yeah, yeah.
How did we get here?
Well, I used to know you so well.
I think I know.
I think I know.

There is something I see in you.
It might kill me.
I want it to be true."

SheriClarity is the sunshine of my days right now :D

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

I feel like a failure

I hate the feeling that I've let you down. Please forgive me. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough... I know I'm not. Why am I lying to myself so much? Why am I resorting back to old thoughts and ways. I feel like giving up, I really do. I tried really hard for awhile and it's getting me NOWHERE. I can't concetrate and I'm screwing myself up. Yes, this post will likely be full of self pity and I don't care. People are pissing me off so easily now and I don't want to be around them at all. Getting out of bed each morning is becoming more of a chore, like it used to be. I feel like my reasons for living have either left me, or are losing faith in me. I guess I really need God's help to heal past wounds and lead me down the right path because as of right now I kinda want to smoke my life up.

I'm beyond sorry. I never want to fight with you again. The feeling I was left with made me feel so sick, knowing you were upset. I love you.

Yeah, I'm kind of giving up on you. I gave you several chances to change your mind. I have more important people to care for now. Have fun with your 'friends'

I'm so incredibly happy that we are able to push our past aside and get along so well. It's great to know you're always there and you make my days burst with sunshine!

I still miss you. A lot. Where ARE you? Please try to contact me? I feel too pushy when it's me trying.

I love you and I miss you everyday, angel.

On the plus side, Obama won, yay yay yay! Goodnight, comment, whatever <3

Sunday, November 2, 2008

It is so hard to let you go

and I regret every second of taking you for granted. I regret complaining and wishing things were different. I regret crying over you and being angry because of you. I regret telling people about you. I regret wishing bad things upon you. I even regret talking to you sometimes because I feel it would be easier if I never had. I haven't tried talking to you in awhile and I don't know how you're doing, but I hope well. I'm sure you're happy, I so dearly hope that's true. I hope that you think about me a lot and that you're wishing good things for me. I hope that you're being taken care of and you are loved. I hope that you know if I could go back and change what happened, I would do it in a heartbeat. I hope you understand that I was scared and unsure of where I was going in life.

I would do anything to become close to you, as close as I am to you in my dreams, which you are constantly in. I wake up each morning missing you more and more and wishing you were still by my side so to speak. I feel empty without you and so very alone. Sometimes I share these thoughts with people who knew about you. They typically tell me the same thing and that's to let go or move on or tell me that there will be others like you. But they're wrong, they are so incredibly wrong. I'll never let go. My pain will heal when it's ready to heal and neither they nor I have control over that. The other thing they're wrong about is that there will never be anyone like you again. Others will come around but nobody like you. I will forever have to keep you in my heart as I see you. I miss you, I miss you so much and nobody can understand quite honestly the extent of that. Please think of me. I'm striving so hard to make you proud but I'm getting nothing back. Are you proud of me? I'm working on it.. I really am. It's not so easy when I'm so caught up in the fact that you're not here. It seems to hit me as fresh news every single time I open my eyes.

People don't get the fact that things would have turned out fine, had I not messed up. Or did I mess up? What happened that you left me? Either way, I have faith in knowing that life would have been incredible with you still here. There would have been hard times, as always, but with the amount of passion I have for you, and the amount of care God has for the both of us, we would have been just fine.. life would have been just fine.

You changed my life forever and I won't ever, ever forget you. I know we can't ever go back.. but I wish we could. Please hope for happiness for me and I hope the same for you. I'm sorry if I let you down. I love you with every particle of my being, more than I could ever love anyone.. <3