I know you'll see this and you'll probably roll your eyes or laugh at it. But I need you to actually listen to me. I refuse to believe that you really mean everything you say to me lately. You're not yourself, you're different, I don't care what you say. Maybe you haven't changed with everything, but you have certainly changed with me and I want to know WHY. I want to know why you randomly shut me out, gave me a bs reason for it, said you'd fix things, and still have yet to make me feel any better about any of it. Everytime we talk, all you do is laugh with those stupid 'lols' every five seconds, it's like our conversations simply amuse you. You have to know somewhere in that mind of yours that what you're doing isn't fair at all. You act so different towards me, I can't stand it. And no matter how much I tell myself that there's nothing I can do about it, I can't help but feel frustrated.
It's not fair that you leave me with no real answer and saying that I just needed to be independent is bull and you and I both know it. I want a real conversation with you. Do you have any idea how sad it makes me that when I feel like breaking down, my first thought to go to is you, and then I stop myself because you're so different, I don't even want to tell you my problems anymore? Your advice is different. Your thoughts are different. I don't understand who you're trying to act like this for or why you are doing it.
So, as much as you lol at me and ignore me, I believe that in some small, unaffected part of your brain, you realize that what you're doing to me is wrong and that you need to FIX it. I'm not sitting here complaining that you aren't here for me for every little reason. It just really SUCKS to me that I feel I can't even be myself around you anymore. I don't care what you're going through or what I am going through, you PROMISED me that we would always have each others backs and right now, you don't. When you avoided me, I continued to give you support that you didn't really need apparently. Even when I'm at my lowest and you haven't talked to me in weeks, I text you and give you encouragement or try to help you in someway.
You're not giving me anything back and I'm really, really sick of it. I'm tired of saying that I'm simply sad over it because it's at the point now where I feel you're being really selfish. You can obviously make room for some people in your life, damn it, make room for me. Me, of all the people that you choose to shut out. Knock some sense into yourself.
11 months ago