I want to feel it in my bones

Have you ever had an emotional pain that hit you hard and killed you for a few days? And then when it comes back, it hurts and hurts, but for some reason you welcome it? For reasons you don't know? But then it gets to the point where it comes back so often that you almost feel sick because of it and you're tired of it? But then you feel like you shouldn't be tired of it?

I don't know, I'm rambling.

I'm dreading school tomorrow. Why? It's like nothing.

How is it that I just had an amazing day with Hooly and Arrie, and I feel like I could curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out?

I feel like I have so much pent up frustration, numbness, anger, and like I want to fix everything, but I don't have the time to. Like, accepting what happened, forgiving people, all of it will take a lifetime.

:(

I think I'm going to go to bed.