I'm really just at the point where I just don't have any idea. I'm opening my eyes and realizing more and more about the world and people inhabiting it. Most people really want an education, a job, money, a big house, a nice car, tons of things. I'm not saying this is WRONG, so don't get ahead of me, here. I'm simply saying that I'm discovering that I'm pretty opposite of that. I no longer dream of getting into an excellent college, working a top-notch job, and getting tons of cash. I no longer yearn for lots of material things. I'm wanting people and love to surround me. I'd rather be in a tiny home surrounded by my favorite people than in a mansion with a flatscreen and convertible. I'm noticing so much more about my deepest wants. All I really want is happiness, but in the form of friendship and love and carefree fun. I don't want to feel like I have to spend my life in working hard when I don't want to. Sure, I'll get a job and I'll make money, but I don't want to make it my life. I want to focus on the people around me and having adventures with them and discovering new things.
Like, I said, please don't get the wrong idea. I'm not in any way bashing people who do want to go to a great college, get big jobs, make money, and all that stuff. That's TOTALLY FINE :) it's just not my dream and I'm noticing that now.
I had a bad night again, though :( I keep crying. This keeps happening and all I can do is pray about it continually. I really want to have a great summer. I feel like this year was a big ball of stress and I just want to stretch out, look to the sky, smile, and let go.
I miss so many people :(
I LOVE YOU, OKAY ? <3
6 months ago