We fall beneath the sea in the back of our hearts.

and fail to breathe until we resurface again.

So today wasn't all that bad. FCAT was super easy (but the Reading always is), it's the Math I'm worried about xD so I'm really not looking forward to tomorrow. Hey, at least it's almost over right?

I love you. I love how we continue to make each other laugh more and more, each and every day that we are together. I love how we act like complete idiots around each other and never regret a thing. I'm completely comfortable around you and I can tell you are with me as well. I love those days where we get that little spark and feel even closer to each other than we did before. I love you, I really do. You're the only person who can be lying down with me, spit water in my face, and have me laugh.

My eyes burn. I think Colin got me sick :p

Okay, who's up for some confessions?
:D

A. I constantly wonder if things would have been differently if we had never moved away from each other.
B. I wish I could know what you're expecting from me. I wish you would talk to me. I wish I wasn't so tired of having to say this.
C. I wonder why I wish you would let me help you so much. You've never done anything for me, but I constantly want to be there for you.
D. How is it that you still continue to piss me off, after everything that I've come to realize about you. And you know what it is that I realized? You're scum.
E. I hope you don't think bad things about me. I always want to know how I'm viewed in your mind.
F. I find myself wanting to learn more and more about you.
G. I never had any idea you were the kind of person you are. You remind me a lot of myself and I love hearing your thoughts.
H. I wish we could become closer friends because you're really awesome.
I. Sometimes there are things I want to tell you, but I feel like you already have enough stress going on, so I keep to myself. At the same time, I fear what you might say if I told you what was going on, because I probably know what it would be.
J. I want to know that you love me.
K. I think we should get together more outside of school because you're one of my best friends and I miss hanging out with you. You're also one of the people who know the most about me.
L. I don't know why, but I want to talk to you so badly. I need to try to get ahold of you, one way or another. There's so much I need to tell you; so much I need your help on.
M. What happened to that friendship thing we had going on? I don't know how you're holding up, but I hope you're doing well. I miss you sometimes. Sometimes.
N. I like that we're somewhat good friends, but I sometimes miss when we first started talking and things were all mysterious.


:)

<3

I love you guys. Let's talk? I'm up for hearing anything. SHARE YER THAWTS.



Random Facts:
- I wish talking in person was as easy as it is online.
- I dream of being an author, but I'm scared of sharing my real stories, because they're dark.

The top floor is just an illusion

My mind is just FULL of stuff today :D

First off, I'd like to say that I am increasingly becoming disgusted with humanity each and every day. It's almost like out of nowhere, I'm seeing people differently and I'm gaining new views and quite frankly, I hate it. It makes me build up hate towards the way human beings act these days. Really, it's horrible. Thinking about it literally makes me angry. I feel my muscles tense up and everything. Now, I'm not perfect and like every person, I make mistakes and do things I shouldn't do. Still, I'm just saying, I despise the way humans are. How they think, feel, ugh, it bothers me. I find it repulsive, to be honest.

And who are we to say it's our lives? A pastor once told our church that we constantly play it out like we are the main characters. We, ourselves. We think like this, "Everything is MY life. They're MY friends. It's MY school. MY choices. MY life." and whenever things go wrong or people aren't good to us, we automatically think, "They're ruining MY life." or something of the like. We have this tendency to think that it's our story and the people around us are just the "supporting characters". They're just little side people. They may mean the world to us, but hey, they're here for me.

I might not be wording this well, but I'm trying. Point I'm attempting to make is that we've got it all wrong. We're not the main character and we never have been. Each and every one of us is the "supporting cast" in God's story. Sorry if this offends anyone, it's not my objective. You can just skip this if you want. But we get this thought in our heads that we're going to do things our way and it's all about us. We spill our problems and fears and hopes and think that everybody should listen, but we're just the extras in someone else's world of a story. They think THEY are the main character and we're just the support to them. It's the way people tend to work.

You don't have to agree. I'm basically relaying this from what the pastor was telling us one night and I tried to take it to heart. And really, it can go into play no matter what religion you are, if any at all. We simply do just live as if everything revolves around us. I don't know, I agree with some of it.

Off that subject, my moods are beginning to swing a bit. I had a perfectly fine day (save falling asleep throughout the day) and then once I got picked up, it was like I was instantly annoyed. My BROTHER got on my nerves so bad and by the time we got home, my head was throbbing because I was screaming at him so much. I even had those annoying stars floating around throughout my vision. I had to take advil and lie down xD it sucked.

What do you call a dream that isn't a nightmare but makes you feel sad/upset the entire day and infects all your thoughts? The kind of dream you wake up from and blink away the fact that it wasn't real. The dream where you wake up and curl into a ball so you can cry. What exactly are you supposed to call those?

I've been getting a lot of them lately and I hate them. I'm a lover of dreams, really, they're great. I have dreams often, and can usually remember the majority of them. Just these dreams... I don't like them. They affect me too strongly. Although, since they say dreams are your own subconsciousness. I guess that just means I can't let certain things go. But really, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.

I'm a good liar, but I don't like lying to my parents. I always feel like they know I'm lying. Especially my mom because she says I'm a "mirror image of her". It's scary, actually xD she always knows what I'm thinking or what I'm about to do. She says I'm exactly like she was when she was my age. So, I worry when I lie to her. But there are some things I don't want her to see and when she sees them, what am I supposed to say? I know, the truth, but sometimes you just can't let that happen. No excuses, I'm sure. I always feel like a bad person afterward. But really :/

AP World History is really starting to bother me because the teacher like, abuses his students in a way. I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to touch students? (correct me if I'm wrong, please) Because he constantly does. I know he's stomped on a kid's paper, tilted a student's desk/chair back almost completely, shoved a student from behind, hit one (not hard) on the head with a textbook, and hit a few more. Not like *punch punch!* but like, shoves with one arm. Still, I'm almost certain that's not allowed and I hate that he does it.

I really want to start writing some more. A short story maybe :) would anybody be interested in reading one on here or not really? :p

By the way, I want to let everyone know that I try really hard to comment every single blog post xD but if I don't, it's just because I forgot -- I follow a lot of people :p But I still do read every single one ! Promise :D

<3

- Thanks for keeping me up to date a little.
- You're still annoying me. A lot.
- You're starting to disgust me a bit :/ and I don't like it.

Only three confessions today, and don't get excited, none of them are for Blogspot kids. Sorry :p

Well, I think I got pretty much all my thoughts out :)

Let's talk?

Heregoesnothin

I took a nap :D !

I haven't taken a nap after school in awhile. It always recharges me and helps me to concentrate on school better. I was reading this book today in Spanish and the chapter I was on was called 'Too Drunk to Fuck' and it was written all big-like at the top of the page and I was scared Sra. Hubbard was going to walk by xD

Haaa, I'm actually in a really good mood right now, for no reason, really. I NEED TO GET MY PERMIT, DAWOPGMROGMEWOG. I'm so behind on that :p

I asked my mom last night if I could get a monroe and she said, after thought, "I'll think about it." and for my mother, that's about a 75% yes, and she's an awesome mom :p so I'M REALLY HOPING, YEW GUIZ.

:)

Lala. I don't have much to say today except that I currently miss two people.

I think some confessions are due:

- I'm actually starting to feel bad for disliking you so much.
- Strawberry Ice Cream.
- I get irritated easily when talking to you now for some reason
- I see you as abusive and it annoys me
- I love hanging out with you, even if it's only in school
- I never would have imagined we would have turned out so alike, but I love it because I feel we can relate in ways.
- For some reason, I trusted you immediately.
- You're neutral to me.
- I'm not going to comment on you this time because I don't know what to say anymore. I thought we were making progress but I feel like I just annoy you so I'm backing off. Talk to me when you're ready to.
- You're so pretty :D
- I wish I saw you more often.


<3

Talk to me, guys.