Monday, March 2, 2009

The top floor is just an illusion

My mind is just FULL of stuff today :D

First off, I'd like to say that I am increasingly becoming disgusted with humanity each and every day. It's almost like out of nowhere, I'm seeing people differently and I'm gaining new views and quite frankly, I hate it. It makes me build up hate towards the way human beings act these days. Really, it's horrible. Thinking about it literally makes me angry. I feel my muscles tense up and everything. Now, I'm not perfect and like every person, I make mistakes and do things I shouldn't do. Still, I'm just saying, I despise the way humans are. How they think, feel, ugh, it bothers me. I find it repulsive, to be honest.

And who are we to say it's our lives? A pastor once told our church that we constantly play it out like we are the main characters. We, ourselves. We think like this, "Everything is MY life. They're MY friends. It's MY school. MY choices. MY life." and whenever things go wrong or people aren't good to us, we automatically think, "They're ruining MY life." or something of the like. We have this tendency to think that it's our story and the people around us are just the "supporting characters". They're just little side people. They may mean the world to us, but hey, they're here for me.

I might not be wording this well, but I'm trying. Point I'm attempting to make is that we've got it all wrong. We're not the main character and we never have been. Each and every one of us is the "supporting cast" in God's story. Sorry if this offends anyone, it's not my objective. You can just skip this if you want. But we get this thought in our heads that we're going to do things our way and it's all about us. We spill our problems and fears and hopes and think that everybody should listen, but we're just the extras in someone else's world of a story. They think THEY are the main character and we're just the support to them. It's the way people tend to work.

You don't have to agree. I'm basically relaying this from what the pastor was telling us one night and I tried to take it to heart. And really, it can go into play no matter what religion you are, if any at all. We simply do just live as if everything revolves around us. I don't know, I agree with some of it.

Off that subject, my moods are beginning to swing a bit. I had a perfectly fine day (save falling asleep throughout the day) and then once I got picked up, it was like I was instantly annoyed. My BROTHER got on my nerves so bad and by the time we got home, my head was throbbing because I was screaming at him so much. I even had those annoying stars floating around throughout my vision. I had to take advil and lie down xD it sucked.

What do you call a dream that isn't a nightmare but makes you feel sad/upset the entire day and infects all your thoughts? The kind of dream you wake up from and blink away the fact that it wasn't real. The dream where you wake up and curl into a ball so you can cry. What exactly are you supposed to call those?

I've been getting a lot of them lately and I hate them. I'm a lover of dreams, really, they're great. I have dreams often, and can usually remember the majority of them. Just these dreams... I don't like them. They affect me too strongly. Although, since they say dreams are your own subconsciousness. I guess that just means I can't let certain things go. But really, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.

I'm a good liar, but I don't like lying to my parents. I always feel like they know I'm lying. Especially my mom because she says I'm a "mirror image of her". It's scary, actually xD she always knows what I'm thinking or what I'm about to do. She says I'm exactly like she was when she was my age. So, I worry when I lie to her. But there are some things I don't want her to see and when she sees them, what am I supposed to say? I know, the truth, but sometimes you just can't let that happen. No excuses, I'm sure. I always feel like a bad person afterward. But really :/

AP World History is really starting to bother me because the teacher like, abuses his students in a way. I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to touch students? (correct me if I'm wrong, please) Because he constantly does. I know he's stomped on a kid's paper, tilted a student's desk/chair back almost completely, shoved a student from behind, hit one (not hard) on the head with a textbook, and hit a few more. Not like *punch punch!* but like, shoves with one arm. Still, I'm almost certain that's not allowed and I hate that he does it.

I really want to start writing some more. A short story maybe :) would anybody be interested in reading one on here or not really? :p

By the way, I want to let everyone know that I try really hard to comment every single blog post xD but if I don't, it's just because I forgot -- I follow a lot of people :p But I still do read every single one ! Promise :D


- Thanks for keeping me up to date a little.
- You're still annoying me. A lot.
- You're starting to disgust me a bit :/ and I don't like it.

Only three confessions today, and don't get excited, none of them are for Blogspot kids. Sorry :p

Well, I think I got pretty much all my thoughts out :)

Let's talk?


love, Grace. said...

Write a story! I would love to read it. :)
You know, I think that you're one of the few decent human beings left. <3

allywood said...

Awe (:
Thanks, Grace !
And I'll definitely start writing, then :D


Kaylee. said...

I'll read them too<3
i wish everyone would just love each other.


allywood said...


Hooly said...


Those are called nightmares, love.

allywood said...

But they aren't scary.
They're nice while they happen.
They just upset me once I'm awake.

Sir Briquek the Pimp said...

Mmm, I would count dreams like that as a nightmare. But, maybe put them into a subclass like emotions.
Crap, that sounded better in my head. XD

Also, I agree completely with the premise of character roles.


allywood said...

Thanks, Bri (:

Jamesaphobic said...

Well, here's what James thinks.
I agree with you on the whole, about me thing. You shouldn't focus on how everyone can help you, it should be how you can help everyone else. Mr. Harris discriminates against most of the guys too. It's not right. I kinda just want this year to be over, for the most part. I think you're a phenomenal (spelling?) writer, and I love reading your blogs. Even if they are really really long, they never get boring.


allywood said...

Thank you so much, James :D