which is most likely from lack of sleep. I didn't go to school today. Why? Because I didn't fall asleep until 5:30am. Why? Because I was talking to you all night; literally all night. I took Melatonin, I went out on the couch, I played soothing music, I watched TV, I read, you followed me everywhere and I could not for the life of me fall asleep until early hours. My mother didn't even try to wake me up. The time went by so fast, I didn't even realize how late it was until I said goodnight to you. Then a wave of exhaustion hit me and I glanced at the clock to see 5:24am.
Mom came home at one point to try to wake me up and as she was talking to me, I could barely keep my eyes open. About 30 minutes after she left, I was starting to feel nauseous, like I usually do if I don't eat breakfast. So, I was heading into the kitchen when the nausea really kicked up. You know when that happens, your tongue feels heavy, you swallow hard, and your mouth just pools with saliva. Yeah, that feeling. I had to stand over the sink in fear that any movement towards the bathroom would result in a mess. I was finally able to slowly edge towards my bathroom and then I felt my throat tightening up and my gag reflex going into full throttle. Almost threw up everywhere! But did not. I was able to hold it in, thank God, I hate throwing up.
I guess this just means I need to really get all the sleep I can tonight. I would have gone to bed earlier but I'm texting Colin and all :) So tonight, I'll talk to you again, but only briefly. I'm sure you understand.
I'm still dreading school tomorrow. I got panicked about it last night and almost made a really bad decision. But I didn't. God's helping me, I can feel it. I think I came to find some acceptance within myself today, too. I'm proud of that.
I love you guiz <3
9 months ago