Wednesday, December 31, 2008

To Write Love on Her Arms

I feel disconnected today, as if I'm watching the world from the other side of a fuzzy TV screen. I discovered that I find much comfort in the TWLOHA blogs. I added them on myspace because I say I'm for the organization, but I never really did anything. I ignored all of the bulletins, like I do most companies or organizations that add me. However, last night I hit a low. I got stuck in a dark point that I haven't been in for a long time. It scared me to be so out of control again. Immediately, I was flooded with flashbacks of emotions and physical feelings. Once you remember these things, it's easy to want to go back. It seems so much easier to give in, like an iron hand is dragging you into the shadows. The day is hot but the shadow is a place for you to cool down and be comfortable. You find yourself in a struggle to embrace comfort or fight to be in warmth again, where you know you should be.

I saw that TWLOHA had posted a new blog asking people to answer two simple questions. The questions were:
1) What was your highlight of 2008?
2) What are your hopes for 2009?

I read through most of the responses already there and found that this place felt safe and it felt comfortable. I replied to a lot of the people who had posted and then put a post myself. I felt that by reading all of these people's thoughts, I felt less alone and less upset. I realized that TWLOHA truly wants the best for people. I'm not the only one who felt this either, several people said in their posts that they were thankful for TWLOHA. Some said that blog was the only place they felt safe. I realized it's the same for me. I was out of control and revisiting old habits. I immediately felt relief after I posted my reply to this blog and then continued to read through and comment on other answers.

I felt disconnected today, as if I was watching the world from the other side of a fuzzy TV screen. However, I feel connected at the same time, to the people who are in this great big hug of TWLOHA. I didn't feel alone today. I felt great comfort knowing that I wasn't the only one going through rough moments. It's no surprise after the past I've had either, I think I'm allowed to have a few slips. It's just so amazing to know that TWLOHA is there and the people involved are all willing to surrounding each other with love.

I'm sitting here, watching my brother, his friend, and my dad play a card game. They're extremely loud. My mother is behind me, on the couch, watching a soap opera. I can hear the mumbled voices of the people on the TV. However, I barely hear them, I'm barely here. I'm lost in thinking of the people out there who share my hopes, aspirations, fears, and problems. I feel a love for them and I feel a love from them, in the way that we are the same.

I suggest watching this. Jared Leto is my hero, his voice is beautiful and sends chills down my spine. His acoustic work is amazing.

1 comment:

Jooly Con Queso said...

Holy piss, I'm on my iPod! You inspire me, ally, you really do. I love you. :D