You hold me down

I hate how you make me second guess every aspect of my life.
I hate missing you.
I hate feeling like you aren't here.
I hate that I make myself look back and it hurts me.
I hate how I can't get you out of my mind.
I hate how you make me feel like a horrible person.
I hate how I still feel like nothing without you.
I hate feeling like you have no idea how I'm holding up.
I hate the gut feeling that things will never be the same.
I hate how I can still be miserable over you.
I hate how you make me feel.
I hate that you aren't here.
I hate how you confuse me.
I hate how I can't talk to you about any of this.

I don't know what to do about any of it. If I had any doubts whatsoever before, they're gone now, and that makes me feel sick.

You made me cry today.

Actually, I don't know if it was really you. Maybe the memories, maybe it was my fault for looking back.

I miss you.