Monday, January 26, 2009

You've never seen a face so unfamiliar

I don't really like thinking "What if..."

It seems like now with every situation that arises, I imagine it as if certain things never happened in my past. What if things went a different way? How would I react if I was in that place instead of my current one? It's a difficult thing to think about, really. I wish I could let go of the past. Sometimes I feel like I hold onto it so much that it's keeping future possibilities out. I'm still not sure about something and I wish that I could just have the answer handed to me. I'm having a hard time right now. I mean, really, life is doing good. I'm trying to try harder in school and I have great friends, but something isn't right mentally/emotionally. I'm not quite there yet, if that makes sense.

I'm seeing people differently. I have a hard time seeing them for their looks or personality. I've realized I'm really thinking hard about people, thinking of them as a soul instead of this body they're working in. I keep thinking of all of us as just souls that are learning. We've made so many mistakes, but that's our purpose.

I find it hard to grasp that part of our purpose is to make mistakes, to get hurt. It's hard to think that things that I have been through are all a destined part of my creation.

I'll have a gigantic blog tomorrow because it's a big day. For now, I'm annoyed with a cold sore, I feel like I can't get my thoughts out correctly, and it's too dark in the living room.


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