I am a dreamer.

So, on Friday, after school, Nitty, Hooly, Carolina, and I went to subway, om nom :) After that, Colin came over and we hung out for awhile, pretty much being lazy and stuff :p On Saturday, SheriClarity and I went homecoming dress shopping in Gainesville ;D Sheri got a supah pretty dress that looks amazing on her. After that, we went to Olive Garden and I laughed harder than I have in a really long time. "It's a chin kickstand!"

Then Colin came over. It was our 8 month anniversary :D so we were going to see a movie but didn't feel like it :p drove around for awhile with the butt heaters on in the seats and the AC down to 60, windows down, and gangsta hoods up! I love him a lot a lot a lot <33

Today, mom took me to Paddock Mall to look for a dress and I got a lovely one :D It's red. That's all I'll say for now :) Now I'm home and I need to do some homework. I don't feel like going to school this week, but at least Homecoming is Saturday :)

I love you all <3

THINK FAST

is something I really want to do. Information!

1. Skip lunch on Friday
2. Get with your friends
3. Pray to end abortion
4. End with the band prayer
5. Do it every Friday

The Band Prayer;

“Jesus, I plead your blood over my sins and the sins of my nation. God, end abortion and send revival to America.”

I think it would be a piece of cake to not eat lunch just once a week to pray for the end of abortion. I never knew what the red tape with LIFE written across it meant until Michael told me it meant that it was Pro-Life. Immediately, I wanted one, for I have always been against abortion. So now I have two red tape wristbands, one on each arm, with LIFE written on them in Sharpie. I wear these proudly and answer proudly when people ask me what they mean. I just got them today and even as I saw more and more new people wearing them, I felt stronger and happier.

This needs to stop.

http://www.bound4life.com/

I'm going to try to get a real band.

God Bless <3

"Comparisons

are easily turned once you've had a taste of perfection." - Katy Perry.

Today was okay. My favorite part was THE Survey (created by Shurr-Boo and Allay-Chan) it's amazing and you're jealous. So far; 19 people! We rock, we rawkkk :D I've learned some pretty interesting things too :p

I prayed today too. Outside, with a few people. It was easy to hear people around us saying, "are they really PRAYING?" and laughing. I felt a surge of energy and faith flow through me and I just smiled because I felt God was there and it doesn't matter what they think. I love everyone <321

My mommy was in the hospital today getting tests done because she's really sick and somethings wrong with her intestines, so please pray for her †

I can't find my retainer, it's slightly annoying. La, I'm scared for doing the debate tomorrow in AP World History xD xD

Colin and I are together for 8 months this Saturday :D that's a long time, yeah. I love him <3

SURVEYYY SURVEYYY

Ima go do something fun <3

I LOVE YOU ALL ALL ALL

comment, babies

I hope to God

Number 1 isn't me. If it is, we should talk, we really should. Even if it isn't, I'm going to say this:

I miss you. I miss you more than I ever thought possible. I'm sorry I wasn't always there for you, I didn't realize you were going through that much trouble? But you have to understand... I went through living HELL this summer, do you realize that? I lost so much, you can't possibly comprehend it. I needed you. Badly. As my best friend, my BEST friend, you were there for me and I can't thank you more. You helped me to realize I could stay strong through it and you were the FIRST PERSON i voiced the idea too. That's why it hurts so fucking bad that now I feel so thrown aside. I feel horrid that you say 'when i needed you, where were you?' You know how bad that makes me feel? I would drop anything in the world to help you! I didn't know you were having such a hard time! If you told me, I'm sorry, I'm SORRY if I didn't listen. I lost myself this summer, I lost half of my heart with it and I'm fucking sorry if I didn't understand. I didn't expect in a million years I would lose our friendship over that.

Summer seems so far past now, but I'm even crying now as I type this. I love you, I always will. I don't know what more you want me to say. You annoyed me to no end sometime and I know I did the same to you, but I hate how badly this is hurting me. I don't know who to go to anymore! I just don't understand how you ask where I was when I know you know where I was and what I was going through. That doesn't mean I wouldn't help you though! I would have tried my best! I'm SORRY.

I don't know what else to say.

Here we go;

Weekend = interesting. Mostly good though. On Friday, I went to the fall fest and hung out with Nitty, Allie, Hannah, Colin, those people :) It was boring though. Taco Bell is nom nom worthy! On Saturday, Colin came over and we pretty much chilled. I went searching for spray wax and ended up with epic failure. Then today, I went to Sally's and got some 18" hair extensions in BLACK :D and got some spray wax from Wal(star)Mart. It was pretty lame today though, I was in a wicked weird mood and I'm having weird head/visual things. I got home and TRIED to nap but Colin was too awake :p

I'm still trying to deal with figuring my life out. I went to church Saturday night for the first time in over a year. I loved it. I missed it. It made me feel so fresh. It was Church @ The Springs, in Ocala. They're SO down to Earth and you can easily relate. They sing up-to-date songs and just make you feel like you're all a big family. I vowed to myself to go every Saturday.

I need to start taking pictures for Mr. Archer at school. He needs one for the cover of the Daily Sun and asked me to do it. I need to give it to him in time to edit it by October 4th xD I'm glad he asked me though, I think I'm going to join the Journalism Academy next year :D

I want to apologize ahead of time if I become mean to some of you, like I said, my emotions are on a roller coaster right now. I miss a certain part of me, a part I can't share with everyone. I miss it oh so much and it's hard right now for some reason. Since I've been off the Prozac, my emotions are easier to get out. I cry more easily and anger is let out quicker. So excuse me for that.

God bless <3

You have no idea.

Today was slightly lame because I was sick and didn't wake up until around noon. I think I missed a science test too. Lame. Tomorrow is the fall fest, yay? I'm not sure, it was pretty boring last year if I remember correctly. So, since I was home alone all day, I had a lot of time to think and I realized that I'm trying really hard and I think I'm pushing myself too far, I'm expecting too much from myself. In reality, I need to slow down, calm down, and take time to think things out. It's not fair the way that I'm treating myself right now and how I'm constantly in stress, whether I show it or not. I have to remember what my therapist (yes, I saw a therapist, k) told me last year, "It's time for you to put aside making other people happy right now... YOU can't be any help to them if you don't have faith in the decisions your making. Put yourself first. Tell them you need time and if they care about you, they'll understand. You need help, and that comes first in these cases."

Right now, I need to go with that advice. I have too many conflicts going on in my mind right now and I'm not able to put all my heart into taking one step before another. So I guess I need to take things slow and make sure I'm doing the right things. I vow to stop sulking over the people who are tearing me apart right now.

I love you. I love you a lot. I want you to know that no matter what people tell you, it doesn't compare to how I see you and that should mean something to you. You're a wonderful person and an AMAZING best friend of mine. Try to think of good times and pray, like I told you to do last night. I swear it will help.

I miss you. I shouldn't, but I do. I don't know, should I? I'm praying about it. I'm not sure whether I should pursue you or just let for the cards to fall where they will. Either way, you're one of the things holding me back. I love you though.

I want us to become a lot closer again, like we did last year. You truly are an incredible, irreplacable person and you make me smile every single day. Plus, you and I come up with the best jokes and you're honestly someone that would kill me to lose.

Thanks to you, I'm continuing to put my faith into God more and more and I already am feeling better about myself how I live everyday. I noticed my attitude has been more positive and I've been smiling a lot more, on the inside too. I still can't thank you enough, although we both know it was no coincidence.

I think you're being overdramatic and I feel bad for you. I've already felt a wall break down. You were someone holding me back, but I've decided it's okay for me to just keep going how I am and I'll be okay. I've gone through too much pain for you to make me feel bad now. I love you, though.

GOD BLESS x

Lovelies;

Hey! :D Jesus le gusta :p Okay so I woke up feeling very sick and negative and immediately, I asked God to give me the strength to get through the day and I made it just fine :) People were annoying today, but I was able to just smile and move on and that felt great. After school, I went out and bought a bible so I'm proud of myself for that :D I also bought a brand spankin' new journal for English II, the extra credit thing. YAY! Journaling at home for extra credit? That's heaven. I'm pretty sure I'm getting my new phone soon, except I saw a new one I might want :P So now I'm comparing them; The Instinct and Blackberry Curve. Uh ohhhh. I missed Nitty today cause he's a retard and stayed home :( Business is no fun without him. Hmph. I'm still so sick, after I got home from Barnes and Noble, I fell asleep and slept for about 2 hours xD I'm still tired. On the bright side! I wrote a poem today in English that I really like :)

I think I'm going to stop missing you. I think you pushed me to the point where I'd rather not talk to you than feel the hurt. I tried talking to you and getting myself back into your life but I guess you can't push these things. I don't think I'm overreacting, I know I'm not. I love you and you decided to push me away for whatever reason. I guess all I can do is remain friendly, but I'm going to stop trying to getting to you because it's just hurting me too badly, it really is, more than you know.

let's comment x