I hope to God

Number 1 isn't me. If it is, we should talk, we really should. Even if it isn't, I'm going to say this:

I miss you. I miss you more than I ever thought possible. I'm sorry I wasn't always there for you, I didn't realize you were going through that much trouble? But you have to understand... I went through living HELL this summer, do you realize that? I lost so much, you can't possibly comprehend it. I needed you. Badly. As my best friend, my BEST friend, you were there for me and I can't thank you more. You helped me to realize I could stay strong through it and you were the FIRST PERSON i voiced the idea too. That's why it hurts so fucking bad that now I feel so thrown aside. I feel horrid that you say 'when i needed you, where were you?' You know how bad that makes me feel? I would drop anything in the world to help you! I didn't know you were having such a hard time! If you told me, I'm sorry, I'm SORRY if I didn't listen. I lost myself this summer, I lost half of my heart with it and I'm fucking sorry if I didn't understand. I didn't expect in a million years I would lose our friendship over that.

Summer seems so far past now, but I'm even crying now as I type this. I love you, I always will. I don't know what more you want me to say. You annoyed me to no end sometime and I know I did the same to you, but I hate how badly this is hurting me. I don't know who to go to anymore! I just don't understand how you ask where I was when I know you know where I was and what I was going through. That doesn't mean I wouldn't help you though! I would have tried my best! I'm SORRY.

I don't know what else to say.