Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Wanna know some secrets?

Every single time I see your face, even if only in pictures, I get a huge urge throughout my body to throw large objects at it. Your smile enrages me and sometimes I find myself wanting to throw you off a cliff. Oh yeah, and your lisp is annoying.

I never feel like leaving your side. You're one of my best friends, honestly. I feel closer to you than anyone at the moment. I love that we're hanging out more.

I've flipped through so many scenarios in my head and I just can't picture you coming to your senses anytime soon. I've talked to other people about this and I need to get over you. I'll carry the hurt for awhile, but I've finally realized that YOU are the unreasonable and ridiculous one. I'll give my time to someone who will appreciate it and not throw it away, thanks. You're irritating. If I was able to slump down to your level, I'd ignore you. Since I'm better than you, I can't do that.

I love you and I miss you. Still. I miss the old days, I guess, but I'm sure I just need to pull up my big girl panties and deal with it. Nawh. I'll stay how I am in this case because I know it has to be worth it. I know you're really busy, just try to remember things, okay? I may annoy you with constantly coming to you with this but, if you really think, I know you know why. I'm going to be stubborn.

I've lied to you so, so many times. I wanted to tell you. But now it's too late and I'm afraid you'd hate me. I can't ever tell you.

You confuse me. I don't understand the things you do, yet I find I'm jealous of you in a few ways. I think I should get over that.

I went behind your back.

Sometimes I have dreams that it's you and me. There's someone with us that we both love. But it's not who it should be.

I sometimes question your sanity. I know you're smart, please quit playing dumb. It isn't cute. It isn't funny. It's annoying and makes me want to shake you awake.

When the three of us are hanging out, I feel like we're better than anyone else. That I'm better than all the people bothering me. That they don't know what they're missing. That I want to be friends with you forever. You two make me so happy.

Sometimes, I feel like I have to choose between you two. Person A and Person B. Normally, I'm all for A. But when B comes around, I can only think of all the things A has done to hurt me. Then I focus all my attention on B. But B backs away and I'm stuck with A.

I hope you know you're incredibly mean. I hope somewhere, deep inside your soul, you'll find something that will make you realize that you're being pathetic. I know it won't happen, you're so deep into being a bitch. You've changed my friend so far beyond what they used to be.

You've changed my friend too.

I miss you and I wish you'd call me. Or email me. Or anything. I miss us being retarded together. It's been way, way too long.

I love you so much and I'm sorry I've been postponing things when it comes to you. I've already learned from a past experience that if I keep doing that, it will be too late once I get around to it. Don't worry. Soon, you'll get what you've been asking for. I miss you <3

When you talk, all I hear in my head is horrible, horrible names for you.

You seriously kill my self esteem and make me feel bad.

I laugh at your lack of intelligence, yet you flare my jealousy.

You make my day so easily and I'm glad we agree on so many things. It's really nice to have someone to talk to about situations that I'm dealing with, that we're BOTH dealing with.

You used to scare me in a way. Now, I think you're annoying and your breath smells bad. Sometimes, when you're with your bf/gf, I want to throw up.

You've changed so much from back when we first started talking. I never bring it up, but I really, really miss those times.

You always stole my spotlight. Now I'm glad you're taking a new road. Even though it's one that disgusts me and makes me dislike you. At least I finally feel like I can accept myself.

I love you with my entire heart, body, mind, and soul. And you know it.

Sometimes when I'm with you, I secretly pretend we're out of school and are wasting our time with a joke of an education.

I have no idea who you are. Yet I know you like the back of my hand. I love you and I hate you.

That's it for tonight. Some people are in here more than once. And for times I put ' my friend ' or ' bf/gf ' is because I don't want to possibly give away the gender or any hints. I probably shouldn't have said some of these things cause they're pretty mean, but I needed to get them out. And don't ask if you're in here or which number you think you might be. I don't care who you are, no one's going to get an answer from me. Unless I have a change of heart. Maybe.



Anonymous said...

I can only guess a few

Anonymous said...

which one is i?
and idc what anyone does to you
well wait... i do care
and thats a promise ill always keep

im sorry people bother you, im sorry we can be so stupid, im sorry youve gone through so much
i love you

*huggles tightly*

Anonymous said...

Im hooly and i love aliwag

Anonymous said...

doesn't it feel good to get these things off of your chest? :]

PaintMyHeart said...

Since you were kind enough to let me know that I'm in here.
I'd like to know.
Is the first one thats talking about the person with the annoying lisp about me?

FaexLOVE said...

Yes, I do think it is.

PaintMyHeart said...

Hey I'm sorry when it said that Kristina commented that it was me.
Sorry I was using her laptop to reply and I thought it was signed in under mine.