Tuesday, February 3, 2009

The first rule of Fight Club is

I love bruises. I love how they act like temporary battle scars. People may see them, ask why they are there, and sometimes you even have a magnificent little story to tell. At the same time, they're slowly creeping off your skin. One day, they're like those self breast checks where the doctor tells you to feel for anything that seems like a grape in yogurt, or something of the like. They stick out like that, wide awake and screaming 'Here I am!' for anyone who happens to wander by. The next day, they're smaller, fading in their rude color. Before you know it, they're gone completely and your flesh is back to that monotonous pale shade.

I love bruises because they aren't permanent. You secretly enjoy this little reminder that you aren't perfect, that you've been hurt, whether you want to admit it or not. "Oh hey, look at this monster bruise I just got!" It's not like admitting to your best friend that you're dyslexic or you still wet the bed from time to time. I don't find them as imperfections, more as little reminders that we're alive, without permanent consequence. They show how easily we change, we move from one color to the next within a matter of days. It shows how we're so easily hurt, but as long as we ignore direct pressure to the wound, it will heal in no time. I love how they show that as strong as we may think we are, we're faulted. Even if only a tiny thing, for a short little time, we are weak.

I love bruises. I love the stories that come with them. I wrestled a ninja. This old lady attacked me on the street. I tried to punch a werewolf (stupid Jacob).

I also love scars, but that's a whole other story...

I'd like to say that I'm bright and wide awake right now, all my homework is done, and my lip wasn't bleeding. I would be lying, though. I can barely keep my eyes open, they burn so badly. I went through the entire day feeling like a zombie on the inside: so, so tired. I didn't do any geometry or english. I guess it will have to be done in first period Business. My entire mouth is so dry and cracked, every single time that I smile, I feel a little bit of blood leak out from the right side of my bottom lip, ripping open yet another flimsy scab.

Oh and my ear is bleeding too. Stupid gauges.

I kind of feel like a character in Fight Club currently, with my big rant about my passion for bruises and scars. Add in the fact that I'm bleeding in a few spots and you get a big mess of Tyler Durden, maybe.

Maybe self-improvement isn't the answer...maybe self-destruction is the answer

I don't know, maybe I'm just feeling slightly dark tonight. I'd rather think of it as deep thinking, though, because I'm in a good mood :) although I am very worn out.

<3

Goodnight, loves.



x

3 comments:

Jamesaphobic said...

awee, I love reading your blog.
It's just so, awe-inspiring to me.

<3

Jooly Con Queso said...

Chapstick?
I LOVE YOUUUUU.

xBeautifulDreamerX said...

wow. this is really good.
i love the whole idea behind scars.
and the whole thing made me think.
its amazing