Sunday, February 8, 2009

I'm made of wax, Larry, what are you made of?

I think I'm probably doing a little better at getting closer to my destination.

I'm sick, bleh sick. I have a cold or something because I'm all stuffy and my nose is currently running down my face and chin and neck and boobs and stomach. Ew, that's gross. It's really just running a little bit. My head feels heavy and full of snot and my throat is sore. Oh, add in a cough and some sneezing here and there. Nom Nomzzz. Today was okay. Colin came over but was mean to me all day which made me sad because I'm sick :(

I had a dream last night. It was so realistic, cramming every single corner of my mind. It was the kind of dream where I wake up and am overwhelmed with unbearable sadness because I realize it was only a dream; it didn't really happen. I literally just curled up in a ball and pouted for a good ten minutes. I hate dreams sometimes, I really do. They can be so intensely cruel. Although, I should blame myself since dreams are brought from deep within your own consciousness.

I miss so many things it's ridiculous. I think I'm going to let some thoughts out:

You scare me sometimes. I thought I wanted to get to know you, but I'm not so sure anymore.

I miss talking to you and I wish we did it more often. I miss you comforting me whenever I was unsure about life. It's not like we don't talk, we just don't as much.

I've lost all respect for you and I don't know who you are anymore. And frankly, I don't care to know.

You frustrate and confuse me sometimes, but I really love you.

I wish you would listen to me, trust me, and agree with me on things.

I miss you, but you already know that because I let you know personally.

You're not who I thought you were and in some ways, it let me down.

It seems like maybe you're trying to turn your life around but I'm having a hard time accepting it because I'm so used to hating you.

Even though we don't see each other as much anymore, and even though a certain someone doesn't think we should be friends, I really, really love hanging out with you. You're still my best friend and we still have amazing times.

Some days, I look at you and think about everything we've been through together, but I can't get it to click in my mind that you are the same person that you were years ago, when you hurt me so badly.

I wish I was as carefree and creative as you seem to be. You inspire me.

I think if things would have gone a different way, I would have turned out to be just like you. Who knows, maybe I still will.

Yeeahhhh, I still don't like you. I don't think I ever will.

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I don't know what I'm thinking right now. I'm hurting emotionally and I'm struggling with my own thoughts and feelings. I'm in one of those moods where genuinely all I want is to cry. I can't though because I'm already all congested and that would just make it worse.

Tomorrow, I'm going to push up on my goal.



Thought of the Day:
I wonder if I cross your mind as often as you cross mine.





I love the emotion in the bottom guy's face.

x

3 comments:

Sherihay said...

"Even though we don't see each other as much anymore, and even though a certain someone doesn't think we should be friends, I really, really love hanging out with you. You're still my best friend and we still have amazing times."

Maybe? I'm only guessing. (:


Your blogs inspire me. I love you.

NittyWood said...

I love you :)
and F miss rowen!

i hope you feel better
I saw your mamma!

Anonymous said...

:)